Hurt
by Chasing
Summary: Orochimaru looks back on his life. AU one-shot, inspired by Hurt by Johnny Cash


**AUTHOR'S NOTE: ** yo, readers! This is a funky AU one-shot about how fucked-up Orochimaru's life was. It kept bugging me to be written, so I did. Couldn't get it outta my head. Hope you like it!

**DISCLAIMER: **Don't own Naruto. I can wish, but alas, Noetic Science doesn't like me…

Orochimaru knew something was wrong when, at the age of 54, he realized that he had killed every person he had ever needed. His mother, father, first and only friend, love of his life. He was alone.

He felt nothing.

He began to experiment with drugs at the age of nineteen, and quickly became addicted. He was an orphan at the time; he had murdered his parents at the age of 9.

Ten years had passed since their "accidental deaths." He still felt rage boiling in his gut at the thought of the two… _They gave me nothing! _He reassured himself. _Nothing…_

He quickly became addicted to cigarettes, alcohol, and heroin. By the age of 25 he was a notorious gang leader. He had by then killed hundreds with his own two hands and had sent thousands to their death.

He felt nothing then, and he still felt nothing.

At the age of 28 he found Tsunade again; she had been an old friend. They quickly caught up, and he began to feel. For the first time in his fairly short life, he had experienced something wonderful… that didn't involved crowbars and poison.

2 years after he fell in love with her, she died at his hand. She had tried to convince him to give up the business. She now lay dead at his feet.

He felt nothing.

At the age of 35 he first began to experiment on humans. He'd always been interested in science, and he was incredibly smart.

The police and FBI began to investigate him, which is how he met Jiraiya. They immediately butted heads in the most heart-warming fashion, and soon they were meeting for coffee every Monday.

9 years later he ordered one of his most trusted followers, who he had taken a lot of time to train, to shoot him in a drive-by. It was Sasuke's first kill.

He felt nothing.

6 months after Jiraiya's death, he began to plan terrorist attacks. He stationed them all over the world, and especially enjoyed targeting orphanages. He could never figure out why.

By now his complexion and hair was so unhealthy due to his constant smoking, drinking and stoning that he looked very ghostly.

2 more years later and he was beginning to tire of the underground business, so he decided to go legal. He attended college for 4 years and applied for Microsoft. He was accepted.

2 more years and at the age of 50 he was Vice President of one of the largest companies on earth.

He felt nothing.

4 years later, at the age of 54, he was head of the company. He was one of the richest men in the world; he was an icon. Everyone loved him. He hosted the Oscars, attended VIP gatherings across the globe… he had everything he could ever want.

He felt nothing.

Yet, as he listened to this song… he felt. It was a strange feeling. He had only felt once or twice since the deaths of his parents; he was scared.

_Why this song?_

He repeated the lyrics over and over in his head; he couldn't focus. Couldn't concentrate.

Nothing made sense anymore.

He was now taking heroin hits at least twice daily, and he had a bottle of vodka in his left hand. He couldn't smoke for fear of his fire alarms, but he wanted to. Badly.

He hadn't felt this way towards anything since his proposal to Tsunade, and even then it hadn't felt like this.

He didn't feel anything anymore, and he hated it.

_Why couldn't it go back to normal?_

_It hurt…_

He had no one to talk to. No one to ask for advice…

He had no one.

He had never _had_ anyone.

Orochimaru was frightfully alone in a world he had ceased to understand.

"_I hurt myself, today…_

_To see if I still feel._

_I focus, on the pain._

_The only thing, that's real…"_

Orochimaru unwittingly thought of his deceased parents, remembering the pain. _The pain…_

"_The needle tears a hole_

_The old familiar sting._

_I try to kill it all away,_

_But I remember everything…_

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend_

_Everyone I know,_

_Goes away, in the end."_

The images of Jiraiya and Tsunade simultaneously flashed through his mind. He cringed.

"_And you could have it all._

_My empire of dirt._

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt…"_

Orochimaru could only laugh at the irony of that statement.

"_I wear this crown of thorns_

_Upon my liar's chair_

_Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair._

_Beneath the stains of time,_

_The feelings, disappear…_

_You are someone else,_

_I am still right here._

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend…_

_Everyone I know,_

_Goes away in the end._

_And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt._

_I will let you down,_

_I will make you hurt…_

_If I could start again,_

_A million miles away…_

_I would keep myself,_

_I would find a way."_

To Orochimaru, it sounded like something Jiraiya would have written to him. The thought had drawn a bitter smile to his face.

He didn't feel _nothing_.

2 weeks after he first heard the song, Johnny Cash was shot to death on his farm.

4 months after that Orochimaru retired from Microsoft and handed the company down to Sasuke Uchiha.

At the age of 55, Orochimaru commit suicide by intentionally overdosing on heroine. His body was found in the morning by his secretary Karin. It was in the news for weeks; no one could fathom as to why the richest man in the world would possibly commit suicide. Many thought it was murder.

Eventually, the world forgot. They forgot him. He became unimportant. Inconsequential.

He continued to feel nothing, lying dead in a grave he dug for himself.

Alone.

**AN: **Review please!!! I would especially appreciate critique, but comments are good too :D thanks for reading!


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